Vatican

Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals. One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on it. He looks at the other priest and says, "I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis." The other one replies, "It's working just fine. I'm down to two butts a day."

$280,000 mortgage & no bicycle!"

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on thishouse is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job.There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked,"Son, where are you going?"Little Patrick told him, "I was walkingpast your room last night and heard you telling Mom that you were pulling out.Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too, and I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a$280,000 mortgage & no bicycle!"

How Generous !!!

How Generous !!!

Maria and Pedro got married. Pedro was a "man about town" so to speak, but Maria was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees.

Pedro was a poor working man and could not afford to take time off for a honeymoon.
So, that night they retired to his little shack.When Pedro was undressing Maria said, "Oh Pedro, what is that?"

Pedro being very quick thinking said, "Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these." and then he proceeded to show her what it was for..and Maria was happy.
The next morning Pedro went off to work as usual. When he returned home that evening, Maria was on the front porch obviously upset about something.

"Pedro, you told me that you were the only man in the world with one of those, and I saw Gonzalez the gardener changing his clothes behind the shed, and he had one, too.

Thinking fast, Pedro said, "Oh, Maria, Gonzalez is my very best friend. I had two of them so I gave him one. He is the only other man in the world with one of those."
Maria being very stupid accepted his answer and they did their thing again that night.
Pedro went off to work again the next morning and when he returned home, Maria was very upset; stomping her foot on the porch. Pedro said, "Maria,
what is the matter now?

""Pedro, you gave Gonzalez the best one!!!!"